Let the healing begin

How is it that its so damn hard to let go? We are so addicted to what isn’t right for us. We are infected with the virus of denial knowing the medicine needed to cure us. We are drunk with the idea that shit can change. That you must be dreaming and everything is an optical illusion. You can’t believe the harsh reality even though deep down you’re yelling at yourself. How is it that we hold on the the torns that leave us nothing but bloody hands?. How is it that we burn and are not willing to put aloe vera on it? We take it as it is, acting like its acceptable. We convince ourselves that holding on is being courageous but not seeing that letting go is what is. We panic at the thought of losing. Not having it anymore is the scariest and thinking we can never have it again. But baby you can do this. You NEED better. You should HAVE better. You WILL have better. Being strong is also knowing that what is killing you right now is making you stronger. You will blossom even brighter. You will shine even harder. You will swim farther. You are KIND. You are WISE. You are BEAUTIFUL. You are STRONG. Let the healing begin. I have.

Love you always,

M;

 

Dear SweetHeart

I find myself everyday in front of my computer with nothing but a blank page. I try to write and pour the words that are suffocating my heart. Unlike spoken words from the head, words from the heart are not so easy to dig up. So now that i have the courage to let it out let me be my most vulnerable self I can be. I was in really bad place before I met you. I had no idea of who I was anymore. When you came around, my life did a whole 360. You held my hand to get up and had me let go of the dark corners of my room. You looked right through me and understood me. I fell in love with you like how you fall asleep, slowly and then all at once. I caught myself drifting back to my childhood memories. Memories that i had hidden away from myself. Memories that made me believe in good doings. The times my mom would tuck me into bed, when my father had gotten out of prison right on my birthday, my soccer game days, when I first got my chihuahua and hamster or the times I laughed for life’s simple pleasures. Flash back after flashback resurfaced when I was with you. You see I’ve replayed every moment I have had with you and all I can do is just smile. Although our friendship is being tested by the toxic waters of jealousy and fear just know I gave you all the love I had within me. I saw you for the person I knew you were not the person people thought of you. Never judging always loving. Humble. Loving. Brave. Patient. Understanding. Passionate. Know that I would of given the world for you. Know that I still would. Im sorry. I didn’t think i was going to fall in love with you. I’m sorry about it all. I’m sorry that i loved you carelessly and hard. However, i wouldn’t have it any other way. You were the best thing that happened to me. There’s this saying “”Si te enamoras, que sea de alguien con quien puedes compartir secretos y hablar de cosas las cuales jamás hablarías con nadie.“ That’s exactly what happened while being with you. I’ll still pray for you every night. Smile when i see you happy. Laugh when we catch up. Love you from a distance. Now all i can do is but thank you and be on my way. I’ll love you always. Cross my heart.

Thank you,

M